Strategies for Building Relationships with People on the Autism Spectrum

Brian King is a Cinical Social Worker who is himself on the autistic spectrum, as are his three children and wife. He is therefore ideally placed both professionally and personally to write a book about how to relate to people on the spectrum.

The book offers ten strategies which King has devised after years of struggling to find a way of coping with life. His suggestions are just as relevant to those on the spectrum as they are to neuro-typicals.

King's explanations are clear and he uses examples from his family and clinical experience to help illustrate and clarify his strategies as well as to enliven the text. On occasion I found his style a little pushy and patronising but that may be more my problem than his and on occasion I felt he appeared arrogant but he then declared how many problems he had encountered and struggled with which justified his self confidence and endeared him to me.

King explains how people on the spectrum may not only think differently but also experience the physical world through their senses in a way that is hard for a neurotypical to comprehend. Living in a world designed for neurotypicals can take a perpetual effort leaving the individual in a state of tension and exhaustion. This section is very informative. Even for someone on the spectrum who may not be entirely aware of how many problems they are juggling at once and how different some of their perceptions and reactions are. Differences are often minimised and the person is made to feel as if they are making a fuss or behaving badly and King helps to explain that this is not usually the case.

King is big on finding solutions to problems and focuses on everyone learning to define their problem and spell out what they really mean rather than relying on assumptions and non-verbal cues.

One of the strategies involves directing the client/child to find their own solutions with support and thereby to feel more competent and able to approach and breakdown problems into solvable steps. King explains that success often involves failure and frustration and that once this is acknowledged a more realistic expectation about problem solving is

internalised and it is then easier to become resilient.

There is a lot to take in and understand in this book and to use it effectively would take several readings and some note-taking. In the final chapter he very usefully recapitulates in summary his ten strategies/tools and uses an example to illustrate the tools in use.

I have great problems focusing on and remembering information so at times I felt lost and as if I would not be able to apply the strategies to real life and would lose my way as my child argued back. I suspect that many parents would need to be guided through the strategies and that two parent families may fare better as they could read and discuss the content together. It is probably easier to try it out together.

This book is of value to anyone working and living with people on the spectrum or for neurotpicals and aspies wishing to become clearer communicators and work together so that everyone in a relationship feels their needs are getting met.