Aspergirls - Empowering Females with Asperger's Syndrome

Rudy Simone calls herself an ‘Aspergirl,' and has written this book from the perspective of a woman with aspergers but has also used her experience as an AS consultant.

The book is divided into 23 chapters each covering a different topic from rituals and routines through to marriage and cohabitations. Each chapter discusses the topic in hand using quotations from interviews she had with other women on the spectrum. Simone gives advice for the aspergirl followed by advice for parents. The book is targeted at all females on the spectrum and their parents but is, I feel, most valid for older girls and women.

It is commonly believed that Aspergers is a disorder found more often in males, the usual figure being set at four males to one female but this is now being called into question. There may be as many females as males but because, on average, they present differently, they are being overlooked and left struggling to cope in a world making no concessions for them and their difficulties. It is for this reason that books on women and aspergers are needed.

‘Aspergirls' share many of their traits and areas of difficulty with males on the spectrum but also have their own unique slants. Common to both genders is a love of information and data because it can be accumulated and is reliable, predictable and safe. This love of information can lead to obsessions, which in girls are often focused on ‘normal' girlish pursuits so can easily go unnoticed. Simone advises girls not to let peer pressure dissuade them from pursuing their interests because life is ultimately about contributing and not about surface popularity. She then urges parents' to praise and respect their daughters passions as they bring her happiness, security and fulfilment and may ultimately lead to her career.

The topic of bullying and selective mutism are covered in some depth because both are commonly experienced by females on the spectrum. Simone feels that for many woman their tendency to withdraw and be solitary can be traced back to earlier unsuccessful social interactions at school, rather than to an inherent desire to be alone. She stresses that many on the spectrum are supremely sensitive and easily feel threatened. Sadly, unpleasant experiences become deeply etched on their fragile selves. 'Happiness' she tells parents is 'achieved through being allowed to be herself'

Sensory overload is a problem for many on the spectrum and can lead to anxiety, distress, anger and withdrawal so it is vital to be aware of triggers and find ways of minimising them. Simone gives simple but effective suggestions such as using sunglasses, ear plugs and hats to cut out some of the sensory overload.

Much of the book is obvious to anyone who has aspergers in the family but because it uses quotations from other women, it is still a useful resource for mature women who suspect they are on the spectrum or who received a late diagnosis. Women who struggled through their childhood and early adult life feeling different, but without a diagnosis, are often quite damaged by the experience and full of guilt. All too often others have unfairly labelled them often insinuating that they were weak, lazy or simply not pulling their weight. Many are chastised because of their behaviour and because they have not been able to cope with mainstream life and have relied too heavily on parents or family. This leaves many feeling inadequate and they internalise the resultant guilt.

Simone discusses how many women on the spectrum do not focus on their looks and how make-up, clothes and hair styles are not generally on their radar ‘As usual, we march to our own drum'. She explains how it is important to strike a balance between being oneself and understanding that we live in a visual world and that some conformity and effort is advisable.

I felt that chapter 8 on Attraction, Dating, Sex and Relationships would be very useful for parents of girls on the spectrum. Navigating relationships is hard for all teenagers but the potential for damage to aspergers girls is particularly high. She openly discusses the tendency of some girls to become obsessed with one person and urges women to concentrate on people who already like and understand/accept them, rather than getting too hung up on someone who does not.

In chapter 9 she covers friendships and socialising. This is a useful chapter for parents of girls on the spectrum if they are bemused by their daughter's difficulties, having themselves found socialising easy and rewarding. The chapter explains the types of problems people on the spectrum might experience. Simone importantly acknowledges that some girls really are content alone but that parents need to be sure that they are alone because they want to be and not because they have to be. She urges that if girls are lonely then something needs to be done to help them find friends.

In chapter 16 she covers depression, meltdowns and medication. This chapter is particularly illuminating because it is quite honest about the meltdowns and self-aware about how childlike they can appear. Simone ensures that the reader understands what leads to meltdowns and how they are experienced by the Aspergirl and of course those around them. She mentions that many on the spectrum are supremely sensitive to drugs and may well need much smaller doses which is something I was not aware of but needed to know.

I was pleased to see that she covered stomach issues because the extent and frequency of gut related problem for those on the spectrum is only now becoming mainstream, rather than being the preserve of a nutty few. I would have liked a bit on eating disorders and anorexia as it is highly probable that gut problems and obsessions could come together, leading a vulnerable female to diet and exercise obsessively.

In the appendix there is a chart listing female Asperger traits that brings the contents of the book together in a memorable format and a list of the main differences between males and females on the spectrum.

This book is a useful addition to the Asperger literature on women.